*this letter is to my second dad, some might find it hurtful but I have been through a lot and really need to write it out*


Dear Daddy.

Do you remember when you would just wake up to text me "you exploded into my heart?" ....i keep thinking about it. I know things have gotten SOO bad for us both....but never once did I stop loving you, or wish you were gone. I don't regret us. Any of us. Joe it hurts....I cant explain it....everything in me hurts. I don't regret falling for you...but I did. And never was able to shake that....and that makes this feel like little knives piercing everything. My will power to survive has completly banashed.


I cant make it stop hurting i keep hearing you and seeing you after everything i do....wait till I tell dad I.....and i start crying almost instantly . I feel so lost. I have no idea what to do. I am scared to get close to anyone. I trusted you....I TRUSTED YOU!!!! ...."no matter what...I will never leave you Angel....never" . I never promised you i wouldn't fall towards other people...or fall in love...i actually guarenteed it. But i was only ok with that because you wouldn't dissapear. I BELEIVED YOU! ....HOw could you do that to me. You know what everyone else had done to me...Other doms, adam, jordan, nicole, the church...they all dissapeared....then you swear you would not do what they did....no you did a ONE UP....you made sure you did it so that my life revolved around you so much I would be detached from everything else when you deserted me......well you did it... I am so alone .


Here let me help you ...."your not alone you have your other tops and vincent...and the girls"


they are not you. I LOVE YOU.... they also didn't get my love to you....you did. My life didn't revolve around them like we did to each other....and now i am allowed to text you if I have an emergency...but other than that...you are supposed to be out of my life....

I was going to send this to you today...but you left so quick that i didn't get a chance....i guess it doesnt matter now


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jckKmsCsmio


I feel so dead...I guess it makes sense that its halloween. I know that you know that i just keep saying i will hurt myself just to make you come back but i feel like everything inside of me is raw...and decayed. I hate everything inside myself....your right I created this.... You texted me you are crying....I feel like I am in so much pain...nothing matters to me right now. I hate talking to anyone becaue I am a breath short of falling apart...i am ignoring texts from my new friends cause me wanting to be friends with them destroyed us.
Everything i see....its a memory of you in some way

Bluebirds

Mnms

Romeo and Juliet

Glee

EVERYTHING evokes a memory of you

Everything hurts....even if I don't cut burn or intentionally starve....but I cant eat I cant sleep...I cant call anyone for coping....


I am a mess....i guess thats it.

I love you daddy

Angel