you will get better
YOU WILL GET BETTER
I have been falling apart all day
i dont know how to handle anything anymore ....
I cant explain to anyone how I feel.... my self hatred just keeps growing. Tonight I sit alone in a apartment. Sick of all the questions. I am just falling apart and dont know who to tell or what to do or feel. My friends Dezi, Teara, and Johnathen were at work with me and I just collasped in tears
I was Sober when I had sex with the guy....
When Teara brought me into the bathoom....The only thing I remember screaming was that I can smell him and feel him all over me...I keep showering...and trying to get the stench away. I feel like he poisned me. I cried myself to sleep laying next to him. Knowing full well I was his easy drunk fuck. I feel like I want to be boiled and burned...so that the stench might lessen. I just feel like i am a walking corpse I just feel like I am walking around dead. Whenever my friends try to bring me out of it I sob uncontollably and i am sick of being everyones problem. She showed me the cut that she had on he leg and I told her about mine...I told her that I just want to SOOO badly...
"and I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand, when every things made to be broken...I just want you to know who I am"
My cousin Aimee told me the next night that she might have a sexually transmitted disease and or cancer...then EVEYONE is YELLING at me about how i am not proctecting myself. And everyone is mad because they care. But people need to stop getting mad. And telling me I dont know what could happen...cause one of my favorite people who has two little boys might be dying.....I feel like this is god punishing me for what I did. I dont want her hurt because of me.
....What have I done.
and now my friend jing is mad at me. cant blame her , i have shut he out and most everyone else the past few days...I just know that if I talk about what is going on i will sob. and i just want to cry alone. I am sick of everyone hearing my weakness.
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